The list started out as a Top 10 Greatest Simpsons Episode List, but it has become more of a Top 10 Memorable Simpsons Quotes List. A lot of these are still among my favorite episodes. I believe that part of what makes a great episode is a perfectly crafted quote with excellent timing. I'll let the words of the Simpsons characters explain themselves from here on out.
10. Behind The Laughter (Season 11 Episode 22)
Marge: Nobody told us how tough it is to raise kids. They almost drove me to
fortified wine.
Homer: Then we figured out we could park them in front of the TV. That's how
I was raised, and I turned out TV.
Ned: [interviewed on his couch] I'd see 'em sitting on that couch all day
long, just staring at that Hollywood hogwash.
Homer: Our favorite show was "Hollywood Hogwash", but we also loved "The Dreck
Squad"...
Marge: ..."The Malarkeys", "Dumbin' it Down"...
Lisa: ..."Sheriff Lowbrow"...
Bart: ..."Home Improvement"...
Homer: ...but we never saw people like *us* on TV.
Bart: TV families were always hugging and tackling issues.
Marge: Homer kept saying he could do a more realistic family show. Finally I
said, "So do it. Either [bleep] or get off the pot."
Narrator: And [bleep] he did. Using his home as the studio and his family as the
cast, this penniless Peckinpah shot a crude five minute video.
9. Treehouse of Horror V (Season 6 Episode 6)
[Marge walks into a darkened room calling for her husband.]
Marge: Homer? Homey? Hmm...[notices typewriter] What he's typed will
be a window into his madness.
[reads it] "Feelin' fine". Woah! That's a relief.
[lightning strikes, revealing "No TV and no beer make Homer go
crazy" scribbled all over the walls]
Mmm...this is less encouraging --
Homer: [bursting in] Hello!
Marge: Aah!
Homer: So what do you think, Marge? All I need is a title. I was
thinking along the lines of "No TV and No Beer Make Homer"
something something.
Marge: [timid] "Go Crazy"?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!
8. Two Dozen and One Greyhounds (Season 6 Episode 20)
Bart: Hey, boy, you want to play fetch?
[the dog, Santa's Little Helper looks up, tired, then puts his head back down]
Aw. Me and Santa's Little Helper used to be a team, but he never
wants to play any more since his bitch moved in.
Marge: Bart, don't ever say that word again!
Bart: Well, that's what she is. I looked it up.
Marge: Well, I'm going to write the dictionary people and have that
checked. Feels like a mistake to me...
7. Bart After Dark (Season 8 Episode 5)
[Belle explains that this is a burlesque house, "a private club where
gentlemen can play some cards and see a show." A girl from the "Around
the World" number comes in, asking for Monte Carlo's dice; Belle hands
her what is in fact a bra. Bart observes, his jaw dropped.]
Belle: Normally, we don't allow children in here, but your father was so
insistent.
Bart: He's tough but fair. I'll start sorting these bras.
Belle: That's a bit advanced for you, but I know a stopped-up sink that
needs some attention.
Bart: Just glad to be on the team.
[It doesn't take too long for a mob to form and convene at the Maison
Derriere.]
Skinner: Oh, there's no justice like angry-mob justice.
6. Marge vs the Monorail (Season 4 Episode 12)
[The Monorail speeding out of control. Homer is the conductor of the monorail.]
Homer: Are we gonna die, son?
Bart: Yeah, but at least we're going to take a lot of innocent people with us.
5. Homer vs 18th Amendment (Season 8 Episode 17)
[Homer is smuggling beer into Springfield after an old law is uncovered banning alcohol in the city. Banner is the new Police Chief brought in to take down the Beer Baron.]
Banner: Are you the beer baron??
Ned: Well, if you're talking about root beer, I plead guilt-
diddily-ildly as char-didily-arged!
Banner: He's not the baron, but he sounds drunk. Take him in.
[Lou and Eddie arrest Ned]
4. The Mansion Family (Season 11 Episode 12)
[While on Mr. Burns' boat]
Homer chides: "Look at those poor saps back on land with their laws and ethics! They'll never know the simple joys of a monkey knife fight."
3. Cape Feare (Season 5 Episode 2)
[Scene shows Marge in the kitchen]
Marge: [threateningly] Bart, I am going to _get_ you...[brandishes
some scissors]
Bart: [gasps]
Marge: [cheerfully] ...some ice cream at the store, since I'm saving
so much money on Diet Cola! [holds up a coupon]
[Scene switches to Flanders outside]
Flanders: [threateningly] Say your prayers, Simpson...[brandishes a
glove with knives on the fingers]
Bart: [gasps]
Flanders: [cheerfully] ...because the schools can't force you like they
should! [clips the hedge] Maude, these new finger razors make
hedge trimming as much fun as sitting through church.
[Scene switches to Bart's classroom]
Edna: [threateningly] You're going to be my murder victim, Bart...
Bart: [gasps]
Edna: [sweetly] ...in our school production of "Lizzie Borden",
starring Martin Prince as Lizzie.
[Shot of Martin in drag]
Martin: [with an axe] Forty whacks with a wet noodle, Bart!
2. The Cartridge Family (Season 9 Episode 5)
[In the gun shop, Homer practices handling an unloaded handgun.
Pointing it at the store owner's head, he pulls the trigger several times.]
Gun Shop Owner: Woah, careful there, Annie Oakley. [takes gun]
Homer: I don't have to be careful. I got a gun.
Gun Shop Owner: Well, you'll probably want the accessory kit. Holster...
Homer: Oh, yeah.
Gun Shop Owner: Bandoleer.
Homer: Baby.
Gun Shop Owner: Silencer.
Homer: Mmm-hmm.
Gun Shop Owner: Loudener.
Homer: [drooling noise]
Gun Shop Owner: Speed-cocker.
Homer: Ooh, I like the sound of that.
Gun Shop Owner: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Homer: Oh, I don't need anything like that... [paranoid]...yet.
Just give me my gun. [grabs for gun]
Gun Shop Owner: Sorry, the law requires a five-day waiting period. We've
got to run a background check.
Homer: Five days? But I'm mad now!
[The owner finally pulls the gun away from Homer.]
Homer: I'd kill you if I had my gun!
Gun Shop Owner: Yeah, well, you don't.
1. You Only Move Twice (Season 8 Episode 2)
[Homer explains to his new boss that he is quitting. All the while the government is storming his new workplace.]
Hank: If you need anything, you call me.
Homer: All right. What's the number?
Hank: I've never had to call my own company. Someone will tell you
upstairs. But, Homer, on your way out, if you wanna kill
somebody, it would help a lot.